There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
