make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
