he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
