she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
