do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
