I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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