I accidentally burped into my bong.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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