never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
