Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
