I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is my gift to your gina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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