Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
