bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
