If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
