I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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