i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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