I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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