i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
