He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
