Whod you bang
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
