This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
