my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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