Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
