I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
