We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm going to jail i love you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
