I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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