I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she looked like the before picture.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
