I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
