think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
