Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
