Will you blow on my dice?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
