I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
