I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
