I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
