how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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