Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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