a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
