I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
