I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
