Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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