I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
