I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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