I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
