If that was your dad, he is hot
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
