He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
