I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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