He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
did i walk over a car last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
