We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She bit a glass in half.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
