Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
