Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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