We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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