so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
