I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
