Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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