I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
